Please tell us about books or authors that have been particularly meaningful to you.

There are two books that created a space within my mind to understand why I felt dispossessed or alone. The first was Youth in Revolt by C.D. Payne and the other is James Baldwin’s Going to Meet the Man.

Youth In Revolt is my generations Catcher in the Rye. Its a story of self-discovery in a world that become more complex as time goes on. It addresses adolescence, puberty, sex, love, adventure and everything I was going through as a 16 year old in Houston, Texas. To be honest, becoming a young adult is a very difficult and perplexing experience. Waking up with feelings, emotions and physical changes that society doesn’t talk about, makes books like Youth In Revolt necessary. And like most 16 year olds, I thought my experiences were only happening to me and no one else. I had no real outlet for any of the feelings I was going through, until Youth In Revolt gave me my first really glimpse into another mind that was going through similar struggles.

As I grew older, my awkwardness in my adolescence was replaced by a lack of purpose as an adult. It felt as though I was surround by people who just didn’t understand who I was as a person.  Yet, I wasn’t alone and Going to Meet the Man is a testament to this.  I found comfort in James Baldwin’s collection of short stories as he detailed human emotion in a society that is constantly forcing conformity. One story that is still draws emotion from me, is the story of an sheriff, who is trying to keep the status quo alive, while living through a contradiction in his own life. Deep down, away from the badge and wife, he is broken by the images he witnessed as a child. So while he is beating a black man for trying to sit-in at a local dinner, the sheriff is brought back to the memories of his childhood.

This story evokes  a lot of emotion in me. What it does is create a space to understand that social norms do change and what we think is true today is up for disprovable tomorrow. When I felt frustrated about certain parts of my life, I realize that life is always changing and I have to be in a position to create the change as it comes. James Baldwin has opened my mind to the effects of change as it takes place everyday.

Please describe yourself as a reader and how you came to be one

Books saved my life! I am not sure how many people can say that, but books were my way out.  Books gave me a space to dream outside of the realities of city life. How I became a reader is very much linked to how my parents became readers, their parents, my grandparents-parents and so-on. Reading was never a luxury, it was a tool for self-preservation.

When slavery ended, my family was free but didnt have a dime to exercise their freedom. Land, food, and shelter came at a cost and unfortunately they couldn’t afford a thing. Like many former slaves, we became sharecroppers working the same fields we had just been liberated from. The future looked as if we were going to endure the same fate as before but reconstruction created a school two miles down the road. It is  difficult to explain what literacy meant to my family, but simply it gave us the ability to dream for a better future. To see past the world that was in front of us through the writings of others.

Now that thousands of children and adults were reading, the existence of sharecroppers and agriculturist changed. We started to see ourselves as subjects able to have agency in the world and this is exemplified by our development as a people after slavery. Reading allowed Black people to dream of a world that wasn’t plagued by Jim Crow and reading enabled my parents to see a world outside of the 1967 riots that hit Detroit, Michigan. It allowed them to capitalize on opportunities to leave Detroit. I was born in Houston, Texas and like them, I read to get myself out of harms way. Instead of participating in drugs, gangbanging, and social ills, I read.

I was ten years old and concerned as to why I wasn’t creating a better world. A few months before I turned eleven my father reached into the bookshelf and gave my first non-picture book, Stinger by Robert McCammon. It was a  story about a border town that is forced to work together as an alien murders the town’s inhabitants. It’s about struggle, love, and hope. Stinger allowed me to connect my ambitions of change with the struggles of this fictitious universe. Not only did I enjoy it, I became enthused with more and more stories of strife. My style as a reader allows me to alleviate the struggles of today with a sense of hope for tomorrow. Reading is the most important part of my life.

DA Pledge!!

I am not really down with pledges but we really need something to be proud of right now. We need an anthem!!!

Foreign Exchange

It must feel real good to own a business. You come in when you feel like it, you can play with real work knowing that your creating change that will inflate your pocketbook. You wear clothes of a person without no real care in the work place. From head to toe your dress in your favoriate work wear which dignifies yourself, while letting the customer know that the owner of this store dresses just like you!

Shit!!!!! haha, I mean you come in half time or no time at all doing the work that noone wants to do. You take pride in moving boxes because noone else will move them. Or, just to tease people you will get behind the cash register thanking every single person for their money. Yet, your workers dont do the same. Is generosity fabricated because you can feel the end results of every dollar you make? Or that  the 1.75 cup of coffee really cost 40cents to produce? I am not sure but every owner I see in the work setting is so so so stoked to be there. I hope I am one someday!!!

Intenesity

The more I think about my actions, I realize the present, or moment, is an unique event.  When its over it becomes the past and I wonder if analyzing the moment, or past, makes me a  historian. If i am a historian then the only tool at my disposal is a speculation of what took place before, during, and after the moment. Of course there are previous historical conditions that shape the present. But can a historian really revealed the reasons for an outcome?

Personally,  my actions have a history behind them but I am not fully aware of them in the present. Actions are much like habits,  you can tell people that your habit is rooted in a history but when the habit happens all you have is the action without any preemption.   If the habit is bad, how a person breaks the habit can shed light onto  breaking the habit of the present. I hope this makes sense. I am trying to connect the actions of the present to a habit which is rooted in a historical context that is oblivious during the habit. Yet, how one breaks a habit is central to breaking the “so called” linearness of the present.

I am shaped by a historical context that is endless. So, I need to identify and isolate parts of myself that needs to be changed.  Its also important to understand the linkages of each problem within myself as many of them do not rest in isolation from the rest. A problem that I have is how closed I am with my feelings. The historical context  is rooted in self esteem, rejection, love, fear, and the list goes on. But if we identify how my lack of feelings creates a habit then we can at least address a portion of the problem.

People tell him how judgemental I am. I am going to take this as a given and I will try to understand why I am judgemental. When I pass  judgement, it is to cover something inside of myself that I do not want to show. I am not sure what I am covering up but the process looks like this. I see a person that is connected to what I am hiding. Instead of being open to them with whats inside, I look down on them for assumptions I have built about people. So, a piece of designer clothing will cause me to close up. First, If i am pushing people away then I am worried about distance between that person and I. Distance means that you want to control the space that is unfolding at the time. Which brings up another problem dealing with control and the lack of it. Control is part of a larger picture which everyone seeks but it usually manifest its self in a form of  power. My lack of control causes me to use my power in the form of judgment. Judgment is tied to the current practice of social interaction. Its a tool of eliminating spatial realities between people by delegitimizing a persons existence. “Surely, you could have not understood this business model, so i need to take ownership over your Idea because you are not legit” Or with  judgment is used to overcome the unknown. Like I dont really know this person but I am going to judge them by what I speculate them to be.  Doing this, myself,  I realize I alienate myself from people and force isolation onto myself. I secretly hate this but, in the moment, my fear, lack of control, low self esteem and other factors come to the surface as I try to control and distance myself from others. This is a difficult complexity  to understand, but I wonder what I am trying to hide.

We will see how this plays out.

Aaron

introductions

Hello my name is Aaron, I’m your Great uncle!!!! This is what I told my little nephew but Damn that sounds old as fuck.  When I first saw him, I hoped he would recognize me as kin. Like something genetic in his body would gravitate towards me due to our common blood line. After 20 mins of Ryan walking around without a clue to who I was, I had to insert a piece of my personality into his world.

I am glad my first connection with Ryan Ashton Mallory was this face above. It not only made him stop fucking up his dad’s foot locker store,  but I got to see why Ryan was apart of me.  I would like to introduce Ryan to the World!!!!!

There is something really unique to babies that seems to be lost when they get older. Not only does Ryan wildly accepted anyone, he presented himself as a perfect student. He was learning, improving, and living life to its fullest. I saw myself in him as I am trying to navigate this world, yet He is so young to the complexities of life. To him all he needs is his intuition as a guide plus the help of his community to deal with the little things like Shit, piss, and food.  A perfect day, to him,  is exploration in a world that is unknown to him. I am 22 years old but Ryan knows deep down that I dont understand how he views this pacifier and maybe what he is telling us, when he throws is pacifier to the ground, is that he isn’t phased by material posessions even though his parents are trying to tell him to hold on to the pacifier because it is his. He knows nothing of ownership only what he has been told or given with the intent of something being his. So from time to time he will exercise his place in the world by claiming an item “is mine.” Yet, he doesnt linger with dread once the temporary item, to be profiteered, is gone. He is full of  joy, pure joy. Its amazing!!!!

Yet, I feel him becoming what he sees in his parents. Which isn’t bad at all but of course he will know what it means to be a man by watching his father in solitude fix the T.V. or set up the VCR system, while his mother sits in isolation taking a break from raising the child. I can’t help but wish that Ryan will be given all that he needs to keep on learning and exploring. But the reality is that Ryan is born into a world where those things are a privileged.

I love my nephew so much. He reminds me that the love I have can extend to anyone as long as I still feel that I have love to give. I wish Ryan the best, and I hope he learned to keep exploring if when the world starts to close in on him, mentally through accepted gender dynamics and Bodily as he grows into what we know as a Man.

With Love,

Aaron

Bush supports the United Negro College Fund.

“Negro” has been dispelled by science and the UNCF’s use further marginalizes Black people. I am not knock’n the intent of the fund. It has provided many students with a college education. What is important to note is that the choice of words and who funds the organization does not serve the interest of brown&black people. The UNCF’s choice to keep the word nergo in its name does not adhere to the fact that the word Negro has been disproved. Negro for many of years had been used to show a distinctive biological difference among people of African-decent. The university system used this to definition exclude Black folks from higher education as we were deemed incompetent by science. Yet, this was made false by the efforts of classy Negros like Dubios and Richard Wright etc… (Black Women hadn’t been saved yet) So Dubios wearing them ugly closes meant his inclusion as a human being and not a savage. This is important to note, in that play the game of access a considerable amount of change took place. Yet, 70 years later its still access we are after.

Taken from UNCF.com, “Our mission is to enhance the quality of education by providing financial assistance to deserving students, raising operating funds for member colleges and universities, and increasing access to technology for students and faculty at historically black colleges and universities.” Now there is no mention of Negro, but this doesn’t lend to agency in peoples lives. The UNCF is providing access to a system that is constantly falling people. Whats the current retention rates of incoming students and what does the university do to keep there students in school?

With all of this said, I am very cautious of organizations that have many years of life but rely on the same tools over and over again. Access is still a problem but it isn’t access to the system. Its access to our own lives. The university further divides people from themselves as the university has become an extension of the capitalist system. I would like to see a UP4CRF(United People for College Reform Fund). Now that would be brill

I really hate when people comment about how radical Obama is or was. “Aaron, you should read notes from my father, Obama is radical in this book.” I havent read the book and I am not because my only read for reading it will be to tell everyone that Obama is not a radical. One thing I have learned is that for brown people obama, culturally, is a good thing. It makes people feel better about being brown and lately feeling good about your skin is a difficult task.

What I want to highlight  is how Obama is nothing special, just your average person with a liberal edcuation on the streets. I dont want to call him a liberal, so I won’t. Its important to note that at the time of his education Obama did not participate in the wealth of radicalism in Southern California. There was a sizable leftist of color participation along with Ron Karenga at Long Beach State, Ed Soja at the UCLA, Mike Davis at UCLA(I think), Angela Davis(up north), Cedric Robison(I think up at UCSB) The end of the Black Panther etc…..There was still a viable left presence in Los Angeles during Obama’s stay at Oxy.

So if Obama never tabed into these mini movements then how can people call him a radical?

But i don believe Obama knows about struggle and if you know about struggle you know about Black. So Obama knows what going on but the nigga is trying to be practical with the struggle. So its about signing pen to paper and thinking before acting, like Mr. Rogers. Yet, this shit never works and I am personally sad that Obama let his rise be written into the narrative of Black struggle in this country which leaves out 95% of that struggle. So, The Obama we have is already hijacked like them planes that were hijacked by the Panthers in the 70s. Already Obama is fucking up. Like I consider him Black because he knows what struggle looks like, but he can’t even call a halt to the destruction of our fellow brothas and Sistas in the Gaza strip. He can’t use the Black narrative to say “We as People of Struggle from the American Revolution to the Civil RIghts movement(leaving out natives) are in solidarity of the Palestinian struggle.” If you know about struggle and can’t acknowledge other peoples struggle then what the fuck do we have in a world full of struggle. Also, peep this shit!!!!

Obama’s fucking up

Love!

AIR

It feels as if pain is tied to my breathing. The air goes in and as I release it the air catches on a piece of my lung. And I Choke. Air travels from my nostrils down to my breathing tube past my heart and into my lungs. The heart is between the place where I let the psychical word inside. Air is what the world offers in plenty and it keeps us alive. I have never thought of how many breathes I have taken in my life but I can remember the memorable ones. Like the breathe I took after our first kiss or the air in in between making out. Air carries more than just O2. It carries life, the soul and love. Its a tool through which I can remember history and connect myself with the history that has been lost.

My history is tied to the first breathe I took out of the womb and the last breathe my ancestors to before they died. They felt the world as I did in constant strife but fought through the many breathes that they took. I am in debt to them for everything they gave me. Its through my breathing that I can understand my past present and future.

Love

Aaron

Online applications!!!!!

Check’n the want ads to realize your worth can’t be measured in an online survey sucks. I repeat to the computer screen in an unaudible tone, “I am more than your suvery shows”. Yet, the computer screen replys with 1,2,3,4,5 telling me to grade myself on my ability to tell on someone who is stealing from the work place. I can’t type back to  explain myself, even though the computer screen is programmed to think different, I am sure a manager, or two, would believe me when I would dialouge over how some stealing is okay by me. Nor can I express my true feelings when I am asked of how I measure myself up to peoples’ feelings. The screen will never know how my face can calm a situation or how my voice can touch someones heart. Yet, the computer screen replys with 1,2,3,4,5 telling me to grade my personal achievement in the face of uncertanity.

An online app is not a measure of me, so can I be hired?